HOW COULD YOU - By Jim Willis, 2001
When I was a puppy, I entertained
you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and
despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw
pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad", you'd shake
your finger at me and ask "How could you?"...but then you'd relent and
roll me over for a belly rub.
My housebreaking took a little
longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on
that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and
listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that
life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in
the park, car rides, stops for ice cream ( I only got the cone because
"ice cream is bad for dogs" you said), and I took long naps in the sun
waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.
Gradually,
you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time
searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you
through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad
decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell
in love. She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" - still I welcomed
her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was
happy because you were happy.
Then the human babies came along
and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how
they smelled, and I wanted to mother them too. Only she and you worried
that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another
room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a
"prisoner of love." As they began to grow, I became their friend. They
clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers
in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I
loved everything about them and their touch...because your touch was
now so infrequent...and I would have defended them with my life if need
be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and
secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the
driveway.
There had been a time, when others asked you if you
had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told
them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes"
and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a
dog," and you resented every expenditure on my behalf. Now, you have a
new career oppurtunity in another city, and you and they will be moving
to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right
decision for your "family," but there was a time when I was your only
family.
I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at
the animal Shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of
hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will
find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look.
They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with
"paper." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he
screamed "No Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried
for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and
loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for life. You
gave me a good-bye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely
refused to take my collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to
meet and now I have one, too. After you left, the two nice ladies said
you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no
attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked
"How could you?"
They are as attentive to us here in the shelter
as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my
appetite days ago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to
the front, hoping it was you that you had changed your mind...that this
was all a bad dream...or I hoped it would at least be someone who
cared, anyone who might save me.
When I realized I could not
compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious
to their own fate, I retreated to a far corner and waited. I heard her
footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along
the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She
placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My
heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a
sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days.
As is
my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden which she bears
weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every
mood. She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran
down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort you
so many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my
vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body,
I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmered "How could
you?"
Perhaps because she understood my dog speak, she said "I'm
so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to
make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or
abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself...a place of love and
light so very different from this earthly place. And with my last bit
of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my
"How could you?" was not directed at her. It was directed at you, My
Beloved Master, I was thinking of you. I will think of you and wait for
you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much
loyalty.